Dear diary
There are days when I struggle to put thoughts and feelings into writing. Something was wrong, and I cannot write as usual for the past week, I know that I had to work harder to continue my recovery.
My recovery was ok but everything was not ok, everything seems to be falling apart but I was not taking alcohol or gambling.
It was not my fault. There were just sudden changes at work, I was no longer allowed to do the same work I was doing in the last 2 years. I cannot adapt to the new changes.
Suddenly they have decided to change my working hours, I cannot continue to work at night, instead I must work in the morning. I was also asked to do more and different new things at work.
The management direction have change, the staff have change, I am no longer having the same support I need now and it is robbing my peace and joy.
Experience have taught me to rest on the recovery program and God.
It means that either I change myself to adapt to the new changes or I leave this place and people I cannot change who are threatening my recovery.
I have done this many times before in the past and it has served me well in recovery. As a result, my faith and confident in the recovery program and God has grown, but every time I do it again, it never fail to make me feel very uneasy, fearful and insecure about the future.
I am resigning from this job immediately and continue my recovery in another job. Everything is going to change, job scope and salary. The only thing that remain unchanged was my recovery, it continues….
I have learnt to sacrifice what I love, inorder to protect my recovery and my love ones.
The peace and joy, safety and security at home is more important than my work and money.
I did not forget the days when I was like a runaway hurricane that destroy everything in my path and rob the happiness and peace in their lives.
Today I was singing in the church when the lyric of the song strike me and it brought tears to my eye… “Your grace is enough, I will believe”
Amen!
