The very fact that you have tried to hang yourself and then gotten out if it means that you want to live and that there is still some fight left in you. I too have a problem, although not 20 years in the making, and am struggling to find some sort of normal. Have you tried to exclude? I broke my computer on purpose so that I could not play online. You have to get help because your addiction is literally killing you and no life is worth losing to slots or sports. I hope you are well and will find some strength in a community of goid people who are all hurting like you and struggling to find strength in each other.
