I started to win some money on roulette about a year ago. It has turned out to be the beginning of my downfall.I have turned over more money on my private accounts than what my company made. Its pretty insane but its the truth and I still cant keep what I win. It just fuels the fire to play more.Winning a thousand pounds does not even excite anymore. I had hoped that at this stage in my life I could stand up to it enough to say stop and no more today.I feel the bondage like never before. Unfortunately I am in a place where I can get hold of cash and I have crossed boundaries that should not be crossed. That makes me reckless and desperate.I can not confide in anyone about this. i have to sort it out and I have to own this problem no one else is going to touch it. That makes this forum all the more important even though I dont want to air my dirty laundery to anyone. I will find a way. I have to.Unfortunately my thoughts are very dark about this atm.It is painfull to look a my unknowing family. I dont want to hurt anyone. I have never wished for a month to pass faster than January. If I cant collect my thoughts enough I will seek some professional help. It feels like I need to talk to a shrink before this consumes me.
