Hi Laura & Monica, thanks both for your replies.
Monica, 14 months? wow that’s brilliant. I think debts are one of the leading causes of stress regardless of how those debts are accumulated and to see an end in sight does help towards my recovery, i actually started with a debt management company 5 years ago as i had gambled to a point of more out than coming in, i didn’t tell them it was gambling as they can be funny about helping you, my credit score was already rubbish so i didnt care about that but they stopped all interest and letters and i was able to breathe until of course the gambling again put me in a financial crisis, i was very very lucky to have the option of overtime at work ( it has all dried up now ) at that particular point, at the point of starting work with a therapist i was also working 7 days a week which i did consistently for 6 months, totally unhealthy but it aloud me to get on top of my new debts. Debts have consumed me for years and the losses are far greater than i dare to think about.
Laura, the amount of times i wanted to drop by and write an update but got sidetracked is unbelievable. I am only just starting to make plans with my life as the goal was to work,eat,sleep and repeat but i started running (i am actually rubbish at it ) for well being, i had a go at tennis in the summer and actually love it, found somewhere that only charges a £1 per court so it was a cheap hobby, 8 weeks ago i fell and broke a finger and have been off work, it has been amazing to have some downtime and appreciate my surroundings and go places with the dog, i unfortunately go back to work this week haha but it has given me a new appreciation of life and how work just adds to the stress of life, every company making cutbacks and everyone else having to pick up that extra work is making a very tired nation, without gambling and with the opportunity of not working for several weeks i now want to set up my life to have more time to do stuff so i am slowly looking into an online business, nothing to make me rich, just something to pay the bills and that leaves me options to enjoy life a little bit more.
i have explored the peak district with the dog over summer, watched movies, started a life coaching course, trying to build friendships, everything a “normal” consists of but gets lost in the blackness of gambling.
it would be irresponsible of me to say i could never go back to gambling because i could, a bad day could lead me to a “not give a damn” moment which takes me into a bookies but i am slowly trying to make my life better and important enough to me that it outweighs a bad day.
my therapist said that gambling is one of the hardest addictions to beat yet here we all are one step at a time through our own will and determination and our own downfalls trying to climb out of that pit and it is achievable for every single person