Fighting a cold but I made it through the job tonight. I’ve put myself in a precarious position. A lot of thoughts are running through my head. If I keep gambling I will lose everything. Why can’t I stop? Should I file bankruptcy? Should I sell the home I live in, pay off all my creditors and start over? I could downsize. There’s a answer there. I just need to find the answer that will work for me. Nothing will work until i can stop gambling. Whatever happens, I will be okay. I feel distant and unconnected to everyone and everything. My only confidants are here on GT. I’ve cut the antidepressant in half and I’m still zonked out. I’m on the lowest dose. At least Im sleeping. Tomorrow, I’m going to both banks during business hours to vacuum the vaults. One is done monthly and one is done quarterly. I get paid extra for this. I’m looking for a day part time job. Maybe if I’m so busy, I won’t think about gambling.
