Hi Jay Kay,
Well done on your G free time.
The early days are the most difficult. The “voice in the back of your head” can’t harm you. Ignore it. When we try to reason with gambling voices they move to the “front of the head” and become thoughts. Thoughts become actions and action is where the gambler falls down.
I hear you when you say you need to prove to yourself that you can take the initial steps alone. The person I find it most difficult to trust, is me! That can be demoralising and make us feel unworthy of recovery. Knowing that we can “do it alone” would be great, if we could be sure it will work. If this is your first relapse I can totally understand your need for privacy and a “second chance”. I spent about ten years giving myself “second chances”. They came at a high price.
Gambling is a progressive disease and it eats away at every aspect of our lives. Some people may be determined enough to overcome the problem alone, but I think it has been proven that having support from fellow travellers helps enormously.
You say you dislike confrontation. Is that only in relation to your gambling or does it pertain to other areas in your life?
Most gamblers I have met , myself included, will say they would do anything to avoid being questioned about their gambling.
Often the “confrontation” (voice) that comes from within is more dangerous than external types.
Keep posting!
