Hi guys, been away for a while, and wanted to give you guys an update.
I had a relapse in July/August where I went down a slippery slope of a couple of weeks of constant online sports betting. Wasn’t a monumental relapse but still paid a 4 figure price for it.
However, I’m happy to report that I have been clean since my last bet on 15 August…so nearing 4 months (damn time goes fast!). I didn’t feel right posting for a while because I felt ashamed of my actions. As someone who frequently posts advice for other members and to not follow them myself made me feel like a fraud. The title of this diary also made me feel ashamed for breaking my promise.
But I can definitely say that I’m feeling stronger than ever this time. This relapse really brought back all those terrible feelings associated with the gambling life and I had a moment of clarity on that last day I made a bet…that I needed to never bet again and if I can honour that, my life will be so much better.
I didn’t continue risking my savings on that day. I didn’t want to chase any more losses. I still feel the same way today. My urges have been almost non-existent ever since. Every relapse is a lesson learnt, every loss a pain endured to make me mentally stronger. Beating this addiction was way tougher than I (or any new gambler) could ever expect but I know it can be done.
I will continue updating this diary on a semi-regular basis and this time, I am confident that I will not let myself down again.
This is life-long battle…it’s really about a mindset. My blocks/self-exclusions will always be in place but ultimately, defeating this addiction in the long run is about changing my mindset, fixing the underlying causes, improving my life so I have other passions/hobbies to focus on. As a wise member posted on a different forum, fix your life (make it enjoyable/fulfiling) and your addictions will go away naturally. This is about proactive action and controlling one’s mindset. I don’t feel like I will miss gambling again and the prospect of never betting again in itself is so motivating and exciting.