Hi Jay,
I know the feeling that comes over us when we place a bet after we have sworn that “this is it!”
The second thought that kicks in is “Who will know?”
You have got past these two hurdles, so the next challenge will be “how can I cover my tracks?”
As you say only another CG will relate and give feedback “on the level”.
( This site was great for that when I joined in 2008; people seem less inclined to respond these days)
At the risk of sounding like a rusty gate creaking ( or like Charles), I have to ask you to ask yourself what you could have done to prevent yourself placing that bet?
Yes, I hear you when you say you are a private person, who dislikes labels and confrontations. So am I! So is the “addiction”.
Gambling addiction thrives on secrecy . We call it privacy but if we scratch beneath the surface, we may , in fact find it to be a cover for our secret behaviour. CGs like to have our own “corner”, our own comfort zone, our own “secret stash” and our own way.
We all come from different walks of life and everyone finds their own route to recovery. There are however, common traits among gamblers. Impatience and a tendency to compare with others , to name but two . These traits may serve to hinder our recovery.
My suggestion would be to come clean with your fiancé before she finds out herself . (women have a sixth sense you know!)
IF you had her onside she could have been instrumental in preventing your last “slip”. She will never, of course be responsible for your gambling. That’s up to you and me and every CG here, but let’s say you knew she would be checking your bank account or asking where you spent that time you gave to gambling or was available for a “heart -to-heart” chat about the urge when it hits you. Do you think that would help?
These actually ARE some of the things that will help you quit, Jay, not attempting to re build self trust, privately. Not trying to pay off debt first. Not avoiding the CG label.
Often it is only when a person says out loud in a group “My name is “XYZ—I AM a compulsive gambler”, that the penny drops and we take the next step on the road to recovery, one day at a time.
Well done on coming clean before you spiralled out of control.
