Yesterday I saw CG after all of the ups and downs of the past few days. There was no discussion about what had happened as I knew he wouldnt want to talk about it.
Sadly, I knew that he had been gambling hard the last few days, which is tough to see but isn’t my fault. There is still evidence of him wanting to make positive changes so I am holding on to that for now.
It is scary to think about how much affect me walking away has on his gambling. But what is really worrying is how much he suppresses. I asked him whether he had thought about us much over the few days away. He said that he hadnt thought about us at all.
The gambling illusion is back, bigger and bolder than ever with the multitude of excuses/lie about why he has no money. I have planned a weekend away with my friends this weekend. CG wasnt at all adverse to this, probably because he wont have to make up any more excuses for a little while. I wonder if he believes that I believe the lies?
On a positive note, I had my first session with a Councillor today. Just a half hour phone appointment. But she was amazing and i feel much better about everything. I will definitely be keeping that support up!
I think the world is a little less hazy today.