Today I went to church and a man collapsed there and we had to call for an ambulance. He has only visited a few times and his story is a sad one. I hope the hospital stay will help, but in truth he has some mental health issues along with the physical ones. He walked there, doesn’t have a car and when I called his son, he couldn’t come as he had no transportation either. Being face to face with someone so less fortunate, really puts things in perspective.
My son is away now for the third day at a student government forum. I miss him, but am glad he was chosen to represent his high school.
I got a hair cut on Friday and I love it. I no longer look like a sixties flower child. My hair was super long and now it is just past my shoulders. It was long because of self neglect, not due to some beauty wish. It felt so good to do something toward feeling good about myself. So I gave myself a pedicure and bought a skin care facial for home too. It is time to feel and lookk good. These are things that gambling makes you forget. I would get so sick with anxiety that sometimes at meals, I could barely eat. Especially scary as I love to eat! Nausea from my overstressed nerves and crazy dreams, lack of sleep. I feel so much better. I am typing this to read again later, because despite all this, the urges still come sometimes. This is what one day at a time means to me. I am gamble free today, but tomorrow, I will have to live without gambling too. Just one day more. I can feel good and yet I know the desire lurks. I just have to keep my mind from planning and plotting. Keep moving forward, praying and reading and staying in the moment.
I have now paid something toward every debt I have. It takes nearly all we make to cover them. These won’t be paid overnight or even in a year, but hooray, they are all touched by a recent payment. Not all on time yet, but getting there. Stopping gambling has been the single best thing I have done for my self respect and family EVER!
