Today marks almost two weeks since my CG and I last drank together. Today marks almost two weeks since my CG last had a drink. Today my CG fell off the wagon.
I know that gambling is my CG’s overwhelming vice but drink does him no favours either. But today i got a little bit stronger.
He made a few references to wanting to have a beer when we last met midweek but didn’t drink and said he was enjoying not drinking. I told him how well he had been doing without drink and not much more.
Again today my CG tested the waters debating if he should have a beer or not. But it was different. Almost seeking my approval to cave. Again i reminded him how well he had done and that it was up to him if he wanted a beer or not.
He got mad. Accusing me of judgy looks and being in a mood. I reminded him that i hadnt said anything about him having a drink. Its not up to me to make decisions for him. He is big enough to do that himself. That resulted in him pulling into the off licence and coming back with his beers.
We got home, enjoyed our meal and he had a coke. I hoped that this was just pushing for a reaction but my heart leaped everytime he went to the fridge. Eventually he came back with his beer, offered it to me, i declined as i was driving so he poured it for himself.
I said nothing and after a few minutes of debating with myself i realised i wasnt happy in that situation (the last time he drank was not a plesant experience and not something i want to be around again, he doesnt want to be like that towards me either).
So i said so. I said i thought it was better that i left as i wasn’t comfortable being around him at the moment when he was drinking. He agreed that i should leave as i had said the one thing that has destroyed our relationship (i let that comment slide). I stayed and tried to open the lines of communication. He told me he didn’t want to talk, and for the first time, without tears and without shouting, i left. I hugged him and let him know how much i love him before i left but i was clear and strong in doing the thing that was best for me.
I don’t know if i have done the right thing for my CG. I don’t know what it will do to my relationship. What i do know is that it was the best thing for me to do at that moment.
Today i got a little bit stronger.