Dear diary,
I took some time out to attend a GA meeting yesterday and was surprise by 3 person I met who reminded me of myself for many years, I was all the three person.
Person A
Life was all about debt repayment, it was very frustrating and meaningless, all the hard earn income goes to repaying the debt. He cannot lead a normal life like his friends, he could not contribute to the family or bring his girlfriend for a holiday.
Person B
He did not have any money and was able to stay gamble free for 5 years until he receives a huge sum of money of 30,000 dollars and suffer a full-blown relapse straightaway losing everything. He regretted his action and became depressed and suicidal.
Person C
Selfish, self-centered and self-seeking ways still rules the day. Continue to borrow to gamble. The sibling has been bailing him out. His action shows no remorse and regret. He talks as if he was blind and cannot see or he just simply does not care about the consequences of his gambling anymore, there was no shame and embarrassment.
What have I been doing nowadays and my action:
Denying my desires and giving up doing something I like. Recently I read that fasting can cure addiction.
Providing and contributing to the family every month first before settling my remaining debts.
My thoughts:
My recovery has not been perfect. I cannot claim to be gamble free since day one in recovery many many years ago, mine was all about progress and not perfection. This has been the story of my life. I have lost many battles along the way but still fighting this war, it is not over yet.
My feelings:
As long as I continue to walk this journey of recovery and keep on trying after every slip and relapses, there is always hope and chance for a better life. Suicide just simply rob and take away all the opportunities to a better quality of life one cannot see at the darkest moment.