Hi Steph37,
I am a recovering video / slot machine addict too.
Do you remember what were you thinking and feeling before you head for the video / slot machines?
Hope you wouldn’t mind me asking you these questions to find out; What made you act out in the video / slot machine? What drives you to act out ? What are you trying to fix?
In my case, I found out that I was using the video / slot machine to fix the feeling I have inside, I could have use other better alternative and more healthy ways.
In the early days, I stop gambling at the video / slot machines because I did not have the money, I can be financially very tight every day and can stay gambling free for 29 days of the month. On the last day of the month, when the salary comes in, it become a big temptation, I feel like a different person.
Imagine how much torture and pain I had in my life when this cycle repeat every month. I was trapped in it for a long time.
I thought that since I have 2000 dollars, I had enough to pay my bills and still afford to lose a small amount at the video / slot machine, I plan to limit my losses to 300 dollars and stop at 300 dollars. I want to do what I want not what I need, I want to use the video / slot machines, I felt that I need to use the video / slot machine and I was thinking that I was in full control, thought I could walk away from the video / slot machines if I wish, that was always not the case. I was different from the other normal people, I cannot stop when I start using the video / slot until I lost all in the end. I discover that I was powerless over video / slot machine.
When I was fully convince that I am powerless over slot machine, I surrender and admit powerless over it, not only do I start to seek help, I start to learnt ways to keep a distance and stay far away from using the video / slot machines.
Video / slot machine are like drugs and alcohol to me, it make me loose my clear mind and bring insanity and unmanageability into my life.
I cannot control the thoughts that comes to my mind, if I am thinking about it, if I feel like using the video / slot machine, I cannot do it! I don’t have to listen and follow my thoughts. I cannot use the video / slot machines ever.
Video / slot machine = pressing the self-destructive button in my life.
How many more times do I want to hit the rock bottom ?
How much more pain and suffering do I want ?
How many more times before I really believe that it is enough, enough is enough! I am not going to use the machine anymore ever.
My recovery program is a one day program.
I only need to be clean from video /slot machine today.
Tomorrow will be another today.
Grateful to be clean from video / slot machine today
When I am free from the bondage of video / slot machines, I don’t need the money anymore to feed the machine, it goes into the bank now and stay there.
Thank you Higher Power
There is hope!