This post is not directed at anyone – it is a reflection of where I am at today and might help someone who can identity with it.
It is about my experience and my reflections on it –
I am posting a lot today .
I have had a monumental shift in my thinking .
My mother always told me, even as an adult , that I trust too easily. It has been such a hugely recurring theme in my life for the past six days I need to reflect on it. I have realised that maybe I am naive. That doesn’t mean I cannot battle when attacked , it’s just that I am caught completely off guard when attacks come. I don’t see them coming and I’m often not quite sure why they came.
I take people as they are . I believe in the basic good in people. Unless something is very obviously making me feel put down or inadequate I give people the benefit of doubt .
I kinda assume people do the same with me. This is an advantage in my particular line of work because no matter what mistakes are made , I am able to see the good in prople.I don’t hold grudges when things have been resolved – I trust naively that others are the same.
Currently it is like life is sending me huge sign posts -“STOP TRUSTING ” . Wake up and smell the coffee burning .
I have in the past week had an experience in my personal life which has shaken me to my very core – I was confused about somethings and it turned out that someone in my personal life was all the time listening to a manipulative person and assigning all kinds of motives to me .- I have had an experience on here where I genuinely felt I was helping someone and it feels like something similar has happened .
I had a similar experience with f and f some years ago where a person was texting and emailing me about f and f , generally winding me up and of course they came out smelling of roses while I jumped in with both feet.
I am naive – I lack something – I’m not sure what – some kind of awareness – maybe I’m on some kind of spectrum -maybe I’m not politically aware – I don’t know
But how can someone get so many knocks and still go back for more – trusting that people are like me and don’t hold grudges , have basically good motives and see me as a person with basically good motives?
I need barriers in my life – and they have nothing to do with gambling – I need to build a barrier around me to keep people out and to protect me inside !