Hi kpat,
You’re right, there’s a difference between abstaining and recovering. Perhaps if we realise we are vicitms (such as the victim of a robbery, which might be a good analogy), whilst still acknowledging responsibility for our actions, then that is part of the psychological key. We don’t ‘abstain’ from being attacked, we recover from it. If gambling still seems pleasurably at some level, like the temptation of a drug or sex, then we are in a very different place from that of a real victim. It’s interesting in popular psychology that we are often told to stop being a victim, but at times that’s exactly what we are, and we should at least acknowledge that but not get hung up on it or obsessed with the thought, as that could drag us down too. Detachment is something needed here, and seeing ourselves through the eyes of others.
I hope all this makes some kind of sense, I am trying not to waffle! To answer your question, the reason I went back after 6 months was that I still had money problems and I somehow part of me still believed that I could solve them by gambling. Of course it just made things worse. Right now, at this point, I’m actually feeling grateful for having been through these things, as I have definitely learned a lot about life and a lot about myself as a result, although I realise this feeling might seem foolish or dangerous to some. However, it is what it is, and I can see many things much more clearly now.
Keep going, watering the good fruit, letting the rotten stuff die away for good!
Simon