Just had ‘that’ conversation with my wife. I don’t know how many times we have both gone through the pain of it, but my actions led me back again. Any semblance of trust – vanished, and shows of affection – washed way, any belief – trashed. What a horrible, horrible thing to do, and I have to realise it was entirely me that did it. I put my selfish desire to gamble above the health and wellbeing of my family. Any parts of our lives being rebuilt are torn down again.
I did explain to my wife I have no desire to split up the family, but equally we both have to consider whether splitting up would be in the best interest of the kids. If I continue to gamble (there is always a way) it would be better to properly split up, get the CSA involved and ensure they take the money at source, ensuring the kids get what they need. Such a awful way to have to look at your life, but those are the facts.
Funnily enough, the kids (and wife to some degree) have been on and on about getting a dog. I figure, if she thinks there is even a chance, I can break the cycle and is prepared once again to give it a go, perhaps after 3 months on the wagon, I should agree to it as my Christmas present to the family. Heaven knows, I have no desire whatsoever for a dog. Dirty, noisy, smelly, attention-requiring four-legged things that they are. But, I figure I owe them that. It’s just a thought for now, but it might be useful to remember why it’s there every time I see the dog?