[Monica1]

I honestly don’t feel the need to look back. That would just be self punishment. I feel slightly different to the usual cg in that I used the addiction to destroy myself. I was consciously doing it although heavily addicted.
This past 5 months has been far worse for me livingthrough each and every tedious day, having 0 for Xmas, being ill, fighting off the prison thing, abject poverty and exhaustion. This is my vision of what would be hell for me.
Yes, Ben does know, not just that I want to move but Also that I don’t wa t to live in this country.