Thanks, Velvet. I think I could rant for England on this issue! And it feels so self centered. I’ll try not to rant though as that won’t help anything!
Yes, that comment from the CG makes total sense to me and my situation. With my CG, it is clear that he does care about me and knows that the way he is acting isnt good enough. But he cant stop. Or, more importantly, he doesnt want to. He often talks about how hard he tries to keep everyone happy but doesnt manage it. The guilt eats him up, but not enough to make a change…
Like I said, some of the fun activities fail. This weekend was one of them. There was an opportunity for a cheap weekend getaway, which is something he has talked about doing non-stop for ages and the perfect opportunity arose. All it took was putting money aside for booking low cost airline flights. The excuses came out, the delays on doing it and eventually the money had run out. It all feels like such a set back and I know I am not dealing with it in the best way.
When I said “finances not being a concern”, I meant it in two ways. Firstly, and most importantly, that there is no financial impact on me. This is something I have learnt the hard way. If he has no money to do it, we dont do it. Secondly, because of the way he chooses to live, he lives a very simplistic lifestyle. He is paid weekly so he, luckily, doesnt have the struggle of blowing a full month’s wage but his limited lifestyle outgoings means that his wage is almost all disposable income. That then goes into the bookies back pocket.
The moodswings and intolerable behaviour are what I find the most hardest to deal with. Do I fight fire with fire andstand my ground on the unacceptable behaviour? Do I sweep it under the carpet and ignore the issue…again? Do I let emotion take over and get underwhelmed and upset? Usually, a horrible combination of all 3. And that’s where I feel like I am letting him down. I cant support him enough.
I completely agree that abstention isnt enough and he needs real help but he is totally unwilling to face up to any of this and definitely wont seek help (I want to say “at this stage” but that may be optimistic!)
I know that no-one else is to blame for the choices my CG makes. However, the environment around him is so destructive and has so many layers to it, it is a whole issue in itself.
Velvet, thank you again for your support. I didnt realise how much i needed an outlet for this. Gambling seems like such a secretive addiction with no obvious symptoms and such a mystery around it. I too have fallen into the see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil trap. And that needs to change!!