Thanks Sad. I love reading your posts so much and chatting with you. I just had a great time with Harry on the forum now and he said something with is so true. Gambling is only part of my problem. The gambling is symptomatic of something else which has not been addressed, and perhaps the best thing for my recovery is to put the business to one side in an orderly manner, ready to come back to it later. Maybe it is viable or not but in my state, I can’t see. The depression, pills, remorse for the relapse and the fact that I am a compulsive gambler all point to the direction that I need to reflect on my life so far.
I am unhappy, and I think I have been unhappy for years. I think I gambled because ultimately I was unhappy, and the rush of it addicted me instantly. I couldn’t see that. I was so selfish, the arguments it caused between my wife and myself. I just couldn’t see it – all I wanted to do was play. I feel like such a child now.
Doesn’t matter, I am on the road to recovery and with honesty and integrity going forwards I can get better in all areas of my life. I know that to be true, even if I don;t feel it.
Much love