Thanks P for your reply. I am all but useless at the moment with giving anything back to others here the past few days. But writing stuff down helps. Forgive my selfishness.
Have not gambled but dont feel good emotionally at the moment. Its been a rough few days. Have not gone out apart from 1 short trip to the shops and that was after dark.
Spoke with a councilor who calls me 1 time a week. It helped some. I need to go to my GP (been saying that for 3 months) to maybe look at medication for mood swings and the way I feel inside. Which many times is dead.
Sleep is shot and when it comes it is not quality sleep. Then at different times thoughts of gambling do come. I think of the escape hitting the big one so to speak but somehow dont know how am managing to deal with them the past days. One ray of sunshine managed to call the balifs off regarding a council tax debt. Did a deal direct with the council today on this. Other debts remain.
When does it actually end these awful feelings of losses that stretch not weeks nor months but years into the past. Wish I could wake up and have NO memory!!