Great posts ty. The only thing I get with all of this is that nothing lasts forever. When my situation begins to shift and if it does, I think it will be rapid, as it has done previously and I can then decide what is the best way forward. It certainly won’t be to destroy myself through gambling as it was previously each and every time, about three times that I have been stuck, in this situation but nothing as bad as this time. This addictioncauses that, each journey down worse than the last. Which is why I get so much where jp is at. It will take time. That self destructive trait, which is part of active disease, has genuinely shifted out of my horizon. It also won’t be more of the same because things need to change and I need to move on and out. But I do go through periods of extreme lack of motivation where I am not enthralled by anything , and then Shift and do things again. Everything seems to be in slow mode. I have to learn to love myself, be patient and have compassion for myself. Some of this is seasonal.it is winter where all things hibernate to a certain extent, we withdraw and go inward. I can’t afford an Xmas which is so counter to all previous Xmas and i think this is a big reason also as to why I am isolating myself. Some of this is self preservation. Pete is genuinely fed up with having to provide food but he knows where the door is. He is not responsible for me and I not for him. At the weekends he is often away as he is now which is fine by me.
