Thanks Kpat and P for your comments. My loo is still clean! and My Niece still has hold of my card.
The weekend was nice too nice in fact. Got my femme friend back to the station this afternoon. We met yesterday I was feeling stressed and somewhat panicy … maybe the downturn from coming off the meds and the after effects of everything I did last week. I managed to relax a bit when we were sat in the station bar. Had a few drinks but not many. I was on soft drinks and tea by 8pm.
We stayed home in the end in my hovel. She is easy going and funny and very down to the earth. Somehow in the end I told her I was a CG. She was asking about my life n stuff. Felt strange somebody asking me face to face. So I just blurted it out. Told her I now have a cash economy and part a small part of my story. Her reaction was at first a laugh. Not in a bad way but because she said she knows nothing of gambling.
She did not judge but did not really understand either. How could she it is alien to her. CGs can live almost in a twilight underworld where only those affected by gambling can understand. She knows now I have certain issues 😉 the meds the docter the therapy ….. she does not understand depression. Has never suffered it … but that is a way is like fresh air to me. Her attitude is not uncaring just matter of fact. She did not judge me though. Then we ate chinease food and watched a movie about a psycho women killing her husband lol …. but it was so good to do something normal.
For the first time in 3 years I felt part of the human race again for a few hours. Surreal. And without going into personal stuff to have someone laid next to me in my pit was different and I slept well without any tablets.
Back now in my flat. It is still clean apart from some dishes. Wednesday I will pick up money from my niece for food. She will make some payments for me I need to cover and that will be as close as I get to my money.
For the first time also in many years I am missing having my female friend here. That is not a bad feeling in fact it is good because it shows I am feeling normal human emotions that all people can go through other than the drain and toxicity of depression and gambling.
I have a long way to go but this weekend it felt good. And I am alive and today I have not gambled. I am thankful for that.