Thanks Geordie. You’re right about crossroads. What direction I take is my choice. Different choices could mean new possibilities. This crossroads could be “Possibility Junction”!
It’s been one week since my big fall. These last few months, winning made it so easy to lie to myself. Things have been going well in general and I have been happy…or maybe that was just another lie I was telling myself. I think I have held myself apart from this site and recovery because I know that deep down I really don’t want to quit. I have tried to get to that place this week because I know that would be a good place to start, but I just can’t get there. Then, I think that I am just a big fake because I can say I won’t gamble today, but in three months when I get away with my girlfriends, I am thinking about and planning to do just that. So, what do I do now? I look at the past. Face it honestly. Don’t want to keep repeating something that isn’t working. Stop thinking ahead to where an opportunity will lend itself (and it always will), and I believe that I will not be able to stop myself.
I have to stop looking at my past failures and stop looking at the future as a time when I will eventually fail again.
Today I will make the right choice because it doesn’t matter whether I want to go or I don’t or whether I would win or lose, or I’ll just gamble sometime in the future. Today is what matters, and today, I CAN DO IT. Today, you can, too! Enjoy!
