Thanks for taking the time out to post and answer my question. I am sure you will have seen Mavericks post on the subject. The bottom line on the debt issue and the time it takes to repay it is so what? Why is it so important? To me it really isn’t. I don’t get that.
Now on the stocks issue I agree with you but I respect others views to not agree with that and maybe a friendly caution would have sufficed. When I stopped gambling I was bombarded with the stocks and trading thing but very quickly discarded it on exactly the same basis as you describe. I personally would have lost control very quickly and you are right to urge caution. For most CGs stock trading is a definite no no. There are also,so many many sharks out there who will take our Money similar to a casino.
And your view on Tina telling her partner is equally valid. I can’t comment. I don’t have a partner and in any relationship I have always controlled the money as I’ve been the earner. How times change (nostalgic sigh). I only became a gambling addict when my children were all in their thirties and had long flown the nest. So I won’t comment cos I don’t have that knowledge and experience of having to do that. I can see both viewpoints equally and I,would probably struggle with both in making a decision if it was me. But I,would think on balance the most sensible thing to do actually is to tell your partner as how can you have a trusting and honest relationship without doing so?
This is about possibly showing our disagreement with something whilst trying not to antagonise the other person. To,sHow assertion and not aggression. If we are being aggressive and defensive, then why are we doing that? What is making us angry about this dialogue or situation? What is it about the other persons view that we find so disagreeable? Mind you put a Tory up there spouting their views and I would probaly go off at the deep end or most likely just walk away and not be able to tolerate what they say. So what does that say about me? I think they are liars and that makes me angry so whilst I feel like that I can’t engage constructively without walking away and trying to get a more balanced approach.
I don’t care about seeing a transcript,of the discussion as it simply is not that important.. No one has a point to prove to anyone. There is no right person or wrong person in this. what I do get with you from all of this is that honesty and self honesty are very important to you as they are to most of us to one degree or another.
My first long term partner and dad of two of my kids was someone that if you disagreed with him as he thought he was the fount of all spiritual wisdom, would take the argument to the nth degree and by fair means or foul would strive over the course of days or weeks to win the argument or point of debate. He just would never let it go and it was a means of control to show that he was top dog and the dominant presence in the family. I found it an incredibly disagreeable trait as did my kids. The need to be right and to do anything that would prove they are right. He was a hippy spiritual guru saving souls whilst at the same time having a skInhead inside of him. We would often describe him as such. Part of my life learning was essentially to stand up to it and for myself and leave. He would never change andd believe me it was ugly. I am not saying that this is the case here at all. For some reason this situation just reminded me of that. But I feel good for my own reasons just to document that as to how it was, more,for me than for the subject I am talking about. Part of the learning to loving myself scenario. Women who need to learn to love themselves often end up with very challenging men who push those particular buttons. This. Is of course the past and and not relevant to me now and for a long time now.
Basically, everyone likes and respects both of you on here. O flick is ok as long as it gets resolved and leads to greater understanding for all parties. Polarised views can meet in the middle sometimes or agree to disagree and nit feel any the worse in themselves for not being able to not reach a agreement, or,for holding a different view. That was something my ex never got, agree to disagree, he was always right.