thanks for your post Laura, i have been reading through your posts recently and can see myself in a lot of your posts, gambling has such common traits yet is personal to each individual. I can even see myself relapsing after 6 years IF i didn’t have what i needed in place to not get complacent. I have had 4 weeks with available funds now (which i am not recommending by any means ) and i have been able to resist urges even when the money was running out due to paying off some gambling debts which is usually a trigger point for me but i really can’t handle the disappointment of giving in to the urges, that will pass though and i need to be ready when the voice is convincing me that it is totally ok now.
i always saw gambling as something i wanted but to have the ability to control it ( up until this year ) now i am seeing it as a form of treating myself badly and self destructing and a way of not dealing with reality. In therapy we are looking at small steps to being kinder to myself which is actually tougher than it sounds. Everything is changing and some of it hurts like hell but i see it as my body trying to eject the poisons within it. It is such a debilitating illness but as so many amazing people on here have shown it is something that can be overcome
