Thanks Cat and Monique
I appreciate your words.. I am really struggling to hang in there but i am doing all i can. I went to GA meeting and it was good helped me a little. I just feel so unsupported in my life. I am thankful for what i have. I used to have a close family but it is all fragmented now and just separate and really doesnt seem to matter if i am in trouble emotionally or whatever, it just falls on deaf ears and life goes on. I cant expect people to help me but some times i just feel completely unloved. This is definitely a downward phase in my mental health and i really stopped posting at times because i didnt want to have such depressing posts but i need to get it out. I have to be real here and at GA or there is no point. I would love to say that things are great but they are not.. living in my head is a massive challenge at the moment. I wouldnt wish this kind of torture on anyone and thats how i feel at the moment.. It is hard each day, it is painful and i am struggling to get through. I just feel so much pain. I feel so pathetic and weak that i cannot after five years of trying get hold of not gambling. Mentally i am just so fractured. All on the inside. Outside people think i have a sunny disposition.. not here, not at GA. Sorry.. you all cop the real me at the moment and its not pretty. I just pray for strength to get through.
P