Thank you velvet – I feel like I need some space to vent as the last few weeks have been all consuming with little else to think about other than trying to find ways clearing up the mess. Having been sworn to secrecy due to fiancé feeling highly ashamed and embarrassed over his actions I’m feeling like I’m carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. Whilst I have given him a fair share of grief and spelled out the consequences of his behaviour for me and our family I feel I’m treading a fine line between providing motivation to abstain from gambling (he says it’s been a month now) and becoming a trigger or an excuse for a lapse! We’ve managed a lengthy and emotional conversation about his CG and so far he’s agreed to all my ‘practical’ requests (taking on his finances, locking down the internet access, swapping the smartphone for a basic model, monitoring his credit file …. the list goes on). I do believe he’s committed to building a future gambling free however I don’t want to have to police his every move forever and a day and worry about the impact assuming this role will have on balance in the relationship. I know things are still pretty raw at the moment and the emotional baggage surrounding the lies and betrayal are yet to be fully realised& I suppose the approach at this stage should be to take one day at a time but I can’t help feeling robbed of the future we had planned and the future I’ve been working to secure for us! Apols for the long ramblings but it does feel better to write down some of these issues rather than letting the feelings of resentment build further!
