Hi, Velvet. First of all, I can’t thank you enough. I’ve been weathering this mostly alone.
My SO does not live with me. I moved away last month to be near my kids and left my SO back in another region (my SO was obviously not happy about this but loves me and understands). We still see each other every few weeks as I travel a lot for work. While we are still together, the physical distance has provided some opportunity for clarity.
I agree with you – love isn’t enough. I understand that on an intellectual level, I just wish my heart would be aligned with that.
In this distance and time that I have had, I have done some work on myself – analyzing and journaling accounts of my childhood wounds that may contribute to why I enable and am codependent. It has been quite illuminating.
My SO blames gambling on the system being rigged and is on a mission to beat it. This person is so incredibly intelligent it is hard to reconcile the irrationality of this line of thought. It has led my SO to constantly feeling paranoid and uptight. It is so heartbreaking to watch. That is why the physical distance has helped me keep my sanity.
Thank you so much for the resources. I am determined to at least help myself through this. Conversations about it with my SO are very difficult and usually end in anger or the silent treatment. I guess I need to buck up and know that this is part of helping my SO – the discomfort and the risk of losing this person I love deeply. I guess it’s better than losing my SO to self-destruction. I just wish I wasn’t so selfish.