Yes, your comments most definitly help, I can honestly say that I devour every comment made. This has been instrumental in my current recovery plan, action the way I feel about my life today. I feel a little as you do about people finding out. This would have a huge impact on my work, family and friends. My family, as I have mentioned earlier have supported me before when attempts to fight this addiction. The last time was about 7 years ago and they made it very clear they wouldn’t do this anymore. I still feel so embarrassed around them about this and feel their suspicions at times. I’m super sensitive. It would break my elderly parents hearts and I just can’t go there again….
Financially, I’m in a awful situation. Basically $60,000. That I can’t pay back. No one will loan me anymore money, can’t borrow anymore against a house that my father and I own together, he lives their, as my brother and sister put a block on it, so I couldn’t borrow anymore against it which is to protect him….another long story….I tried to get a part time job on top of my current full time work, with no luck but this isn’t the answer. I have 3 credit cards and 3 personal loans all on high interest. Basically I do not have enough funds to cover these monthly payments. I’m terrified that they will force the sale of my shared house with my father…can they do this if the loans are not taken out against a house? It’s probably a good thing I’m thinking and looking at this now rather than ignoring the fact that I need to face up and devise some sort of plan, whatever that may mean….the best person to do this with me is my partner as he is good with budgeting. I’m talking about a plan and support, not a hand out from him.
Today is a warm summers day, I’m blessed that where I live is so close to the beach and a sleepy holiday village. I’m sitting in bed hearing the local birdlife and crashing of waves drinking my first cup of tea for the day. Time to get up and seize the day.
Idi, what you say about suicide, is also true for me. There are also those fleeting moments of dispair tha leak into my thoughts. I could never do this to the people I love but it doesn’t change the fact that the thoughts are sometimes there. Thank you for your honesty in this as it has also allowed me to be honest as well. Day 41 for me today and gambling will not be permitted to enter my life again!