Thank you (((Friends))) for your kind posts! A lot has been swirling around in my head since I last posted! I have come to a full realization that I’m lonely because I have set my life up to be lonely. It’s nobody’s fault but my own, and I OWN THAT! I realized that I will never have the same relationship with my 2 youngest granddaughters that I had with their almost 21 year old sister. Circumstances have changed and my daughter has a husband, and her children have really structured schedules with school, dance, soccer, gymnastics, family time, friends, etc. My oldest granddaughter lived with my daughter and I for 3 years when she was born and she was my only grandchild for 12 years. I was like a second mother to her. It was hard to let that go that I will never have the same relationship with the 2 youngest, and felt rejected that the girls didn’t want to spend all their time with me, as ridiculous as that sounds! It was freeing to come to that realization! So how to fix my lonely life. I went to Staples and bought myself a calligraphy set, and art supplies, even though I have zero talent for art. I am requesting to volunteer in the ER at our local hospital two weekends and then have a weekend off, to coincide with when Danny is away. I am going to speak to the ER manager this afternoon. I can answer the phone, stock carts, clean up rooms after patients leave, comfort people, and anything else that two hands can offer. I told my daughter I really don’t have any friends here, but then I corrected myself and told her I do have a couple of dear friends here, that I could call and we could pick up where we left off. I used to make plans and then “not feel like it, and then bail.” In my mind I solved that by not making any plans with anyone, so I wouldn’t have to bail when I didn’t feel like it. I would prefer to go gambling than to settle down and do anything with anyone.
