Thank you for reply. Yes i am thinking to keep posting. Talking to and reading people who understand me makes me feel much better. Havent had any counseling yet. Never been in any group threapy either… Dont know if i can. I mean if i m enough brave to do it.
And about the control of money.. yes she is doing it.
i will not fail again..
I am too tired to live everything again.
Too tired of losing paycheck in an hour
Too tired of waking up middle of the night by thinking what i have done
Too tired of going to work without sleeping.
Too tired of begging money from friends
Too tired of liying
Too tired of hiding all my feelings
Too tired of pretending to be strong
Too tired of doing them over and over again
And Tired of being jealous of friends who are having the same or maybe less salary but having much better lives.
I am done. I have too many shity things to say about f..n gambling.
Trying not to think about how much i lost and what i could do with that money.. cant believe what i did but have to forget about them. Must create new life. Starting from minus..