Thank you everyone for your posts.
I miss our conversations too Monica.
Lizbeth I could see you had been In Chat but you were gone by the time I logged in.
Charles, some times when I have literally a few pounds to survive until payday I still find a way to gamble. I think a feeling of lack rather than plenty is a bigger trigger for me.
However, I also know that almost everything can be a trigger- so my barriers are good enough to stop me from doing any real damage even if I do have a slip, which I don’t intend having .
I still have my daily urges to go to bingo – even if I do give in and go I won’t spend a fortune there – however it opens the floodgates to crazy gambling.
I now have a little money in my own account ( my own stash) . This is something I have never really had and I find it so motivating . I keep checking in on it lol. I feel I can finally make plans and treat myself . Yesterday that was a day and night face cream(cheap ones ), an on sale coat , a not on sale but still cheap enough dress, my supplements which really help me , a lovely woolly cardigan, a lipstick and a blusher.Perhaps that’s where I have went wrong in the past – never feeIing I actually owned anything .
My husband comments on everything I buy for me in a most begrudging way – he always has done – my son who is almost grown up now challenges him for it . I secretly chuckle to myself because my son does it in such a way my husband has no comeback. I never dreamed that in the midst of my miserable excuse for a marriage I could actually raise such a wonderful loving son. I used to feel cheated by only having one child, but recently I feel privileged to have a bond that no person has been able to intrude upon for even a second.
MY coat is my first in years which is not a hand me down, it is also distinctive and bright because I am no longer buying things which will last – I am buying things which as Marie Kondo says will “spark joy”.
I am going to see about decorating my bedroom this weekend- remember my new focus is on me! I reckon I can afford a new curtain set, new duvet cover, and I am going to go crazy with white paint. Maybe I will start tomorrow night …
How many times have I written about decorating ? This time I think I might actually do it! Lol.
Seems I have plenty to say tonight .my mood is on the up – I think it’s due to my supplements , my focus on me and my secret stash! I should have had this years ago but I always tried not to in case it triggered gambling.
In truth it’s as Vera put it- it’s mindset that determines whether or not we act on triggers.