You are right in every way Velvet. I do worry for his future, and I know that is one of his worries too. He has told me he feels far behind his peers, they have done the uni, moved out of the family home, have jobs, careers etc. I think he is feeling that’s it’s a long path and hill to climb. I think I give positive encouragement, by saying he needs to find peace and happiness from within, then everything else will fall into place.
He has recognised that he didn’t respond to the warning signs and he slipped into old habits. But the good news he has seen the after care support worker at GM this week, and I am hoping he will get on board with the support groups.
One of the things that does get me down is having to lock things away in my own home, the fear of him taking for us again because it does put a big dint in our finances. Although it’s not about the money, it is the taking of what isn’t his that is so annoying. Especially when both me and my husband still work hard. He has this thing about drawing the line under it, and he doesn’t like if I mention what he’s done, he just says he feels bad enough. When he came out of GM and it was all positive, I never went back on old ground, I kept positive, of course in this last relapse, it all came flooding to the surface. I am back on an even keel of positivity, and I don’t bring up the past in a negative way, but if I see any signs, I will tell him, we have been here before. I’m hoping it won’t come to that. I am looking forward to having a chat with him about his session at GM, he was positive when he got back. I really do appreciate you stories of success Velvet, are you able to give more information on the successes , etc, just snippets, Because, I think that is helpful. When I went to. GAM AM meeting the family version of GA the recovering gamblers kindly invited us into their group, I saw for myself that people had moved on in a positive way and had turned their lives around. I got really emotional because their stories were so familiar. I know each of us have our own journey and we are all different. I am just hoping and praying with all my hear and soul, that this time will be good. This takes energy, and I have been feeling really tired and low with it all. I have gone back on antidepressants, because my doctor thought I really needed to. Do you think I should let my son read my posts so he knows really how I feel, because just writing here somehow gives me freedom to let it all out, or is that not good for therapeutic reasons? For him? He is loving and sensitive, and when he is not in that bad place, I think he knows how what he has done has affected us. I have got him to sign an agreement re his behaviour and what would constitute him having to leave the family home. But for now I am in hope. Sorry to rant on so much. Thank you again for listening. Hope1
