Steev – your words of encouragement are well-received, so thank you for taking the time to read and respond to my posts. You are absolutely correct when you ask whether I care about myself. On the surface, many would think yes, but in reality, it depends (but as you mentioned, likely “no” when I indulge in addictive behaviors). The interesting thing I’ve learned over the years about numbing the pain through drugs/alcohol/gambling is that eventually, the numbing agent of choice stops working. As a serial addict, I’ve always had something to toggle to when the current method stopped working, but now I’m finding that I’m stuck with the hardest method of them all — learning how to do this on my own. There was once a time when I had the largest support network in the world, but they were also my enablers so I started over. Now, I’m left with just myself which introduces a whole new way of dealing with things that I was never truly prepared to take on alone. So, with the help of kind people like you and others on this site that understand the issues I’m facing, I look forward to finally dealing with my issues productively and allowing myself the freedom to experience life’s natural ups and downs without imposing them on myself the moment I seemingly can’t handle it.
