I knew that the road to recovery was going to be tough, but I never knew I was in so deep. Just three days after I ‘resolved’ to quit, i relapsed. That’s another 2k down the drain, and my loss has increased to 6k. But i’m still resolved to stop.
My biggest hurdle is, and always has been, thinking about what I could have done with the money I lost. Even worse is thinking about the time I won 10k and what I could have done with THAT money. I recouped all my losses before, so who’s to say I can’t do it again, plus some? But then again, perhaps I was just lucky that time, and if I try to win back my money this time round, I might just end up deeper than just the 12k i lost previously. I may lose all my savings, my house and my family.
Because afterall, I’ve learnt that a compulsive gambling never really ‘wins’ before a compulsive gambler never stops until he has lost everything. And I don’t want to lose everything. It’s just so hard to stop! But that eventuality makes me want to stop. I have a beautiful home and a beautiful wife. I still have a stable job and savings. I still have this condition under wraps, so all that’s stopping me from salvaging this situation is…. me.
I want to stop. I will stop. I must stop. Instead of chasing my losses and thinking about recouping, I will remind myself that money isn’t everything, and it definitely isn’t the secret to happiness. It’s just money. Besides, 6k is a cheap price to pay for a first class education cum life lesson. It’s like I paid 6k for a Degree in the Dangerous of Gambling Addiction, heh. But if what everyone says is true, time will erode this guilt. And I will use what’s left of it to be a better husband, and to help others going through the same struggle. I will learn from this experience to start saving and investing properly for the future.
But for now, one day at a time. I hope I have courage to overcome this.