Dear diary
Is it important to prove to myself and others that I was right? Is it worth it? Can I let go and walk away?
What makes me different from all the other normal people was my impulsive and compulsive character.
Sometime I could not walk away or let go of doing something despite knowing the risk, bad consequences and harm that would happen to me.
I found out from my recent experiences that I was still very stubborn, I will still follow my self-will, and I will not walk away.
I was still very irresponsible and will not consider putting the interest of others ahead of me when I was gambling.
It was still very important for me to go ahead to feed my desires to prove myself right but unfortunately, many times it turn out I was wrong every time.
It made no sense that I still continue to engage in self destructive behaviors after all these years as a result of strong self belief, false hope and slow to change.
I need to stay mindful at all times and be highly aware of this weakness to keep my well being in check, I can still be very selfish, self-centered and self-seeking.
When I am physically and mentally tired, these problems will run riot and destroy me in the shortest time.
When I am impulsive and compulsive, everything happen so fast, I cannot remember and don’t have the time to consider taking the safest and longer road.
Keeping myself safe should have been more important than proving myself right.
Sacrificing the decision to prove myself right to protect the family should have been more important.
Sadly and unfortunately when I was tired or distracted by problem, I lost my priority and sight.
There are many more important things than the satisfaction of being proven right.
I was a fool!
