A lot of similarities between your and mine story with the difference that I have a girlfriend who I will very likely marry. We need a woman in our life to help us in the battle with gambling addiction. 🙂 Sports betting is also my drug. I assume since you are from US you prefer to bet on NFL, NBA, baseball and hockey. Actually it does not matter, the gambling addiction is the same for everybody – we can’t stop until we lose everything or huge portion of our money!
You have made the absolute crucial step which is to realize and admit to yourself you have a gambling problem. This is step number 1 towards recovery! Good that your wife knows about your problem. Always inform your closest ones about any addiction, they are going to help you! I’d suggest that you don’t confide in everybody about your addiction: only in people you really trust!
I think you have read my journal since you’ve replied to my post there (and I replied to your reply). In order not to repeat myself I will emphasize the core facts that should help you quit gambling and change how you see gambling:
1) No one gets ahead in life through gambling! Even professional sports bettors (who surely exist) don’t live the life they want to! What is the purpose of the life if you don’t enjoy and you are not happy? What is the life if you are in constant fear or uncertainty whether this month you will earn money, whether you will get paid or not. That’s the gambling lifestyle. People with normal lifestyle work and have a career and get paid every week/month. That’s what I call: security and stability. Gambling offers none of them!
2) Gambling is not fun and does not cause genuine pleasure and enjoyment! Have you find yourself in a situation where you would place a bet just “to have a little flutter” because there is a game in 30 minutes or 1 hour? I have found myself in such spot many times! Addiction makes us do this. Every reasonable person would not work against them, but we gamblers do! We do things that hurt us and we can’t stop!
3) There should be no fear about quitting gambling and no illusions that we are giving up something!!! Quitting gambling means we are getting rid of terrible addiction, we don’t give up anything! Gambling is something we can and should live without, not the other way around! When I was not aware I had a gambling problem, I thought gambling was part of me and who I am. I thought of gambling as something I couldn’t live without. Turned out it was all an illusion! A mental trap that existed only in my head! In a joking manner I will say gambling illusion is one of the biggest illusions that the mankind has pulled off! Everything happens in our brain! We change our brain chemicals when we gamble and our brain is never the same again but this does not mean we have to gamble all our lives! Living happy non-gambling life after being a gambler for years is possible! To quit gambling is possible!
4) Identify what your triggers are and when they happen don’t gamble. Ask yourself honestly, why do you gamble? What causes you to gamble? Is it because of money or because of work stress, personal problems, negative emotions? Do you want more money and do you honestly think you can win that money through gambling? I doubt. We never gamble because of money, money is the drug that runs our gambling activity! When we lose all money we are mad not only because we’ve lost the money but because the gambling session has ended. That’s what pure gambling addiction does to us. When we gamble, money lose their value and all that matters is when is the next game and what we will bet on. Been there, done that, don’t want to be there anymore! Gambling is such a lonely and dark addiction. Ruins the person who gambles most but also all people around the gambler. The gambler is like an epicenter of an earthquake. This is by far the best definition that has come to my mind. The more I write the more inspirational I get. 🙂
5) Let the past go, accept your losses, see this as one-time experience and life lesson and return back to being a happy non-gambler, the person you used to be before you started gambling.
Money gone through gambling are gone for good and they are never coming back. Theoretically speaking, even if you win them back, will you stop there forever? Extremely little chance. You will keep gambling until you lose it all again + lose more of your money. Every problem gambler including me has been on this dark road. All gambling roads lead to this dead end! Gambling is a vicious cycle, the only way to stop is to break the cycle otherwise it will keep repeating, repeating, repeating… and never end till our life ends. A life wasted on gambling is sadly wasted life. We all have talent to do something amazing in this world. We can all make the money we want to live if not luxury then pretty comfortable. We just gotta get in the right frame of mind and grind all day and night long and the success and money will be here! In gambling you can bust your ass off “working” i.e. gambling 24 hours straight and not receive a cent for this. That’s not something that I’d call normal or something I’d like to happen to me all my life.
Simply put: gambling is not the way to go in life! It took me good 13 years to realize this. Regardless how silly may sound, I’m glad I began gambling at very early age because right now I’m in process of getting rid of this addiction before the age of 30. I can’t imagine what damage gambling would have done to me if I got hooked to gambling in my 30s when I will be married and have kids. Unfortunately many people get hooked to gambling in their 30s and 40s and mess up their lives. Should I thank to God that gave me this huge lesson at the right time before it was too late? 🙂
In conclusion: Brendan, I wish you the absolute best in quitting this horrendous addiction, I hope that you will realize gambling is not worth it. You have a wonderful wife, don’t gamble her away! Don’t gamble away your life! You can watch a TV game and not have a bet on it! You are not missing anything if you don’t bet. You are not missing millions of dollars if you don’t bet. Gambling is an illusion that wants you to think otherwise. An illusion that wants you to think this time it will be different, this time you will hit that big win that will solve all your problems, this time you will be in control and not the addiction. We all know it’s all the opposite of what the gambling illusion wants us to believe!
Stay strong and don’t bet the NFL I know the season is in full effect! 🙂 Needless to mention how every sport in today’s world is fixed in one way or another which makes the sports betting even more NOT worth it!
All the best,
Problem gambler in recovery