So I thought I would just share some thoughts while I wait to see if my main working computer is working or bust. My wife and I have been in the office all day with the baby to deliver this big project. I am now here with 2 staff. This is a time I would normally think “ahh, I can play poker and no one will know”. This is one of my triggers. I feel great that I am not doing that, that I am focusing on the task at hand as it means we get paid more money than I could ever make at poker, and it means I am thinking straight again. I do wish I could have had this mindset 3 years ago to the day, as then I would be in a different place. I had this opportunity to quit 3 years ago in 2012 – right at the start of my online addiction. That is when my problems started. I think back then and think “what a prick I was” and I try and think “and now I know what happens”.
This is such an individual journey, but having access to this blog, even though no one might read it, is amazing. This is my blog, my thoughts etc. Shared only with those who understand.
I think the drugs, today, are working. My mood is totally different and I am curious as to how I will feel tomorrow. I feel like the real me is visible. That’s a me who doesn’t give a crap about playing poker, it’s just a fucking game FFS. Nothiong to get bothered about. And I hope from here I make the irght decisions going forwards. I see a light at the tunnel, which one day at a time, is betting slightly larger and brighter.
Thanks all, back to see what is going on with the Mac.