so frustrating Monica! The things that would help you rise above more quickly are denied by our governments these days. But I will save you the rant. You know it well.
The dance between the light and and the dark, the emotional ups and downs can just be gut wrenching. So thankful there are points of light, kindnesses there for you. Your doctor, your son, your son’s new gf, your daughter, the bank, your mates here.
I can remember a good GA buddy of mine talking about layers of an onion. So queen of the google search I came to this. And I think this would describe what we went through when we suffered a loss due to our medical health and relationship situations. And gambling was our way of sidestepping our grief at what we lost. And i think one of the things I lost was the belief that my partner would step up and care for me just like I would and had in the past for him. I also lost many things physically and socially, impacts of my medical situation. My heart and soul and spirit was totally crushed. Gambling made me forget and it numbed the pain. And almost as soon as physically possible it became a way for me to say ” do you think I’m going to sit home and cry over you?”
Sorry to go on about me. Don’t want to make assumptions at where you are coming from. I think right now you are grieving the loss of your job, your lifestyle and your current health.
Disclaimer: By the way, I’ve never come across this author before, I don’t know her work, her personal situation is different but I can empathize and a lot of what she said in the article rang true for me. I can not endorse her or her site. i just don’t want someone reading this to think somehow they can pay for this book to get all the answers about gambling.
http://janellebb.com/the-onion-effect-understanding-the-tears-and-layers-of-loss/
(((( Monica ))))
Laura