So almost a week since the discovery of my last major relapse. I am no where near out of the woods, but I can starting to sense again what it means to be gamble free. I try to think back to before I had a gambling problem. I think I did enjoy life. I think I understand what gambling was replacing, and more than anything it was replacing responsibility. Sure, I thought I enjoyed it, but it was like an acid trips. My mind travelled onto a higher plane, but a destructive plan that constantly needed feeding. I also know that now when I play it eats my brain – I am axioms of getting caught, anxious of losing money then having to lose more money, anxious because I know it is doing me now goo, anxious because it means having to lie.
I don’t want those anxieties anymore. I was a life filled with love, laughter, living in the moment gamble free. Not even thinking about gambling. It’s such a stupid activity, one with no benefit or positives at all.
Gonna take the dog for a walk now, clear my head. There are things to do, tasks to complete. These are what matter in life.