So a quick update (more for me than anything). I’ve just got back from my GamCare session, where we talked a lot about my approach to life. I also carry the GA orange booklet with me which I read whenever I get the chance. I am coming to the conclusion that in addition to stopping gambling, I must change my life. It is not enough for me to stop gambling, one day at a time. Because I have always relapsed. I have to accept that I cannot gamble normally. The same things always happen – I spend more time/ money etc playing than I planned. And if I win and play well, I want to win more. And if I lose, I want to win it back, thus losing more. I can rarely walk away with winning and leave it. I am always thinking of when I can play again. ei
Tomorrow I am going to a meeting, if I leave half an hour earlier I can have a few hands etc etc.
I am challenging my gambling thoughts more effectively. I am not stopping gambling for anyone but myself. I will never make money this way, I will always lose time and while when I win I feel happier I feel like shit when I lose. It is a merry-go-round. Time to get off.
I have so much to say, apart from that I have no self excluded at all the sites I play at. But I know deep down, there is a part of me that already misses it. It is the childish part of me, the dark side, which wants to destroy me. Well, he has done enough damage over 42 years. Time to put him in a box.
More later, back to work and being productive.
Thanks