I am looking at the finances and i feel like I am in a strange horror movie. Ive spent so much money. I have not told anyone yet but I am going to have to do that real soon. I am remorseful ashamed and sad. I did not mean to f… it up. I wish i could have had it all undone but I cant. I will get professional help on Monday. I need to talk to someone who can help me sort this f… mess out. Ive let everyone down but I cant stop and turn or run I need to own this problem and find solutions. I believe we are all here to learn things. Dam I must have been thick as pig shit in my former life as I seem to be cursed with this addiction for the rest of my time here. And yes I have had suicidal thoughts but that is the cowards way out. I may die from drinking my liver to death but I wont check out by suicide that is not how I want to be remembered.
