Hi Jack,
It was good to meet you in the group yesterday.
My thoughts on sharing is that it’s important to do for several reasons.
Firstly, accountability. As you will have read in the forum and as discussed in the group last night barriers help. No money = no gambling, funny how really we all know that anyway from the times we lost our money and had none to gamble! If you can find someone you can be accountable to then that’s a big deterrent. It’s stil your money, you can still spend it on pretty much anything you want to do/buy – but if you gamble acountability means that you WILL be found out.
Then there is putting others minds at rest. Those around us might not know how big a problem we have. They might not even know what the problem is. Usually though they know that there is some sort of problem. It is pretty much impossible to completely hise our mood swings, our hights and lows so someone around us will know something is up.
Enabling. In the case of people who may on occasion borrow money/get bailed out of financial difficulties by family etc then it’s important they know about the problem so that that enabling can stop. If I was still getting bailed out by my family then i would probably still be gambling.
Using support. Not coming clean can actually harm our recovery by stopping/limiting our use of support. How can someone get to a GA meeting if someone they live with doesn’t know they have to be there? Thye would have to duck and dive, make excuses, lie etc etc Apart from anything else partners would likely suspect an affair!
Even using this site – what would your partner think if when she came inot the room you quickly switched windows on the PC? Closed it down etc? Again otehr suspicions might arise and of copurse it would make you les able to use support when you needed it?
I’m sure I can think of many otehr reasons but I think you will be getting the message.
Now then HOW to come clean. When we tell partners etc of the problem then we are of course presenting a problem. We don’t have to do just that though. When we come clean it makes it easier for all if we don’t only present the problem but also show what we are going to DO about it. You could show them this site, ask for help with barriers etc So, not just the problem but the start of the solution as well.
We talked about your occupation in the group last night but as you posted about it here i will answer that as well for the benefit of others in the same position who may be reading.
Honesty is required.
I know people who work in the gambling industry who have a successful recovery while still continuing to have successful careers.
I also know those who don’t find that possible, the constant reminders/temptations are too much for them. In that case a career change is pretty much essential for recovery. After all even with a drop in salary most of us would be better off that we would be with a higher salary but still gambling.
Using support. If those closest to us don’t know there is a problem
Other problems. It sounds like you have other issues you are dealing with, most of us do, in some form or other, when we stop gambling. My first advice would be to use the support that is out there for those issues as well. Secoundly my own personal opinion is that, whatever other issues we have, it is unlikely we will be able to address any of them, or sometimes even realise them, while we are still in action.
Anyway, thsi post is long enough now and the group is getting busy. Keep posting.