Hi
I’m sorry that you find yourself in this situation. As bad, or even as silly, as you may feel, you are not alone with this problem.
I know you don’t just want words but sadly there is no quick fix to this affliction. In fact, I wonder, is there a fix at all?.
What you can do is learn to control it, instead of it ruling your life, you can learn to take control back from it, control of your life.
This dosn’t help your immediate situation, I don’t think you have too many options about what to do.
Learning to cope and take control back begins by taking responsibility for your actions. You may feel like you gambled that money under duress, and many CG’s, (Compulsive Gamblers), would agree with you.
If your partner does go, sadly, that is a consequence of your actions.
I’m sorry if I’m sounding harsh I’ve had over 35 years of dealing with the consequences of mine, and I believe we can only truly leave gambling in the past by being completely honest with ourselves. Most of the sh** we end up in is either directly or in-directly a consequence of our gambling.
By realising this I was able to see that the only way was complete abstinence from gambling.
You can live in recovery from gambling, just like you can live in recovery from glandular fever or cancer. Unlike more mainstream illnesses or afflictions, whatever you choose to call it, I don’t believe it possible to ever be “recovered” from gambling. It is, I believe, within our very psyche, our DNA, others may not agree.
You can learn to keep it at bay. The addiction thrives on dishonesty and secrets always keeping a door open to the next time. Until…woosh, crash, bang wallop. And here we are.
The consequences of my gambling took me to prison 5 times.
At 25 you might be sick of people telling you that you have your whole life in front of you. You have.
Just because I’ve been to prison does not make my problem any worse than yours or anyone elses, just as the bloke who has been inside 10 times because of it hasnt got a problem any worse than mine. We all have a line we wont cross. I’ve found throughout the progressive years of my problem that once I had crossed a line, (lying, borrowing to gamble, stealing, fraud), they all became easier to cross a second time. Lying, particularly to myself, wasn’t second nature it was first nature.
Many will accept their situation readily, face the music, (consequences), and move on at the first attempt, realising the pitfalls, but at the same time realising, usually after many failed attempts that it is impossible without the right help and support.
I hope that you find it here.
I’m sure you will get a lot more constructive support from others who were, and are, hooked on the slots. That wasn’t my main sort of gambling. Just a different strand of the same problem.
You aren’t alone with this, keep coming back. And well done on taking the first step and admitting that you have a problem.