Neatly a week since I last posted. Not the best of weeks. 1 year clean in two weeks and I feel like it is one step forward and two back virtually all the time. 4 weeks out of work now with nothing on the horizon and I have had to claim benefits again. I find I am anxious some of the time but it is a very private anxiety and I don’t show it. Inner turmoil, outer calm. Have seen Pete twice this week but spent a day and a half out with my gut problems. This is now a chronic and painful problem which gambling and it’s aftermath kicked off. I have replaced gambling with shopping somewhat although I do have an element of control over that.
The thought of having a boring and mundane life fills me with dread. I am someone who needs to be doing interesting things or I just fall apart.
