Hi,
thanks for your comment, it was quite a read! I will do my best to answer your numerous questions, forgive me if i forget to answer any of them.
Firstly, no i do not get paid monthly, i am paid every fortnight. So the urge to gamble after a month is not linked directly to me recieving money, as i have money throughout the month. I can understand why you thought this might be a trigger, but it is not.
I believe i gambled on day 37 for a combination of reasons. Firstly, the VPN failed and this gave me an excuse to do so. Secondally, i had been thinking of gambling for a few days beforehand. And thirdly, and probably most importantly, I was in a very low mood (i suffer with anxiety and depression, and every so often i go through this phase where i feel really down and bored with my life. when i feel like this, i am more than likely to do something self destructive such as drink way too much alcohol or gamble.)
I am aware my conditions make this addiction harder to beat. I have been this way since i was 17, and despite being on medication which has helped a lot, i still have these bouts of extreme apathy and self destructive tendancies a few times each month. I don’t know why, really wish i did.
As for how i had money to gamble, that’s easy. I have had to sell possessions of mine in the past to afford my addiction, but that was only because i had gambled so much. I am far more financially stable NOW than in the past, and am able to save around £100 a month, sometimes £200 in my current employment (depending on the hours i work) so having that money to gamble with was very easy.
To limit this i have decided i will be saving any money in cash from now on, rather than in my bank account. having money sat in my savings account is dangerous to me, so i will be removing the risk when i next save.
I hope i have helped answer some of your questions (apologies for the probably horrendous typos but im on my phone and spell check is currently turned off)
I understand what you mean about one day at a time, and as with others who have commented i am going to try my best to head your advice and look at it that way, but i know this will be difficult for me.
Thanks again for commenting, i really appreciate it 🙂
BBB X