Hi DD, Hi Everyone,
Didn’t plan to confess but I blew it yesterday. What’s the saying, The road to hell is paived with good intentions? The plan to gamble has been in my mind since Wednesday, since $$ went to my account. I talked, I posted, I placed (some) barriers, but I failed counting on other people to call me to keep me home. I did leave casino when my daughter called. She was over but left with her boyfriend. I resent him. When she moved back to the area I thought we would spend more time together but I’m out ranked!
I must not blame my "support system". I have been somewhat of a loaner, not by choice, but everyone thinks I have this great soical life. My social life is basicly being with a man who is "seperated"and has 8 kids by 4 woman. He doesn’t want a "relationship". Even he doesn’t think I’m good enough for him! The rest of my "social life" consists of going to the casino. If I stop, what am I going to do?? Sit around here and eat??
Can you say pitty party?? Crying now, feeling useless!
Got a wake up call from CC Company. I went over limit on my card at the boat 3 weeks ago so now they wake my stupid *ss out of bed on Sunday mornings to make sure that they will get at least a minimal payment.
Should go on open chat, too ashamed to do that too. See, even I knew I was being smug and my head kept telling me don’t brag, you will fail and how are you ever going to tell anyone?
I do this when I try to quit smoking. I won’t tell anyone because I expect to fail and just don’t want to see their dissapointment in their faces or hear the "I told you so" . I don’t want any accountabality! Immature reaction? You’re right!
If I could find the courage to ban I know I would keep my money where it should be. I have a large amount from a retirement plan coming in May. My retirement money is almost gone. I know I will have to work until I die and won’t ever retire. My fault!
I could keep whinning but even I’m sick of hearing it!
Got to stop crying, check my blood sugar, sky high I’m sure because I went on an eating binge after the casino binge!
I may not have to wish myself dead if I eat like that because it just might kill me! Funny, how can you not want to die but wish you were dead???????????????????
wishing you peace, hoping i can find some
bettie
