Hi Guys,
Well I made my 9 months yesterday. I was told I had 9 months abstinence and would most likely get my 1 year abstinence however that was all I had, as I have not been working my recovery.
Funny, because of the 14 plus months that I have been posting here I thought I was working on recovery but I guess I am just here kidding myself into believing I was doing something-when the reality is I am just isolating and escaping.
I have a lot of work to do- I don’t believe I have kidded myself into thinking that I didn’t. I find it hurtful that the "work" I have done is totally discounted because I won’t give up my life to attend multiple GA meetings.
I have a lot of fear-this is not news to me. I am still making the "slights" I feel on a daily basis "all about me". I don’t think I imagine them and it is true I read things into situations that really may or may not be the case.
I am human, I have human feelings. I bruise easily. Is it mental illness or the reactions I have due to years of disappointment? Or has my negativity caused all the hurt in my life? It’s all my fault, I should have known that.
I have to change the negativeness I feel. I have to stop telling myself I am worthless, undeserving, and unlovable.
So here I am. CG extraordinary.
bettie
