Hi Guys,
Well Lizbeth a little visit is better than none at all! So glad to see you!
TDIK!! Hey! I have been neglectful with so many new folks posting too. Want to respond to everyone but time doesn’t always allow it.
Well I called my sponsor tonight. She was abrupt with me on Tuesday and told me to call her tonight and let her know where I was on my step paper work. When I did she was going to dinner with a friend but spared me a few minutes waiting for her table. Told her I had contemplated just filling in anything on the step work sheets as I just didn’t get what they were looking for. She said I over think the questions. ( Maybe it’s my high CG level of intelligence that does that-who knows? ) It drives me crazy. One of the questions she answered for me. Isolating. I am still isolating because I do this "on line stuff" instead of going to real meetings.
Deep breath needed here. I really resent my on line blogging and therapy being dismissed as nonsense. I use this forum as a sounding board for my innermost thoughts, feelings, daily stress and for advice from the "experts"-Real people going through the same things my "sick" brain goes through. She may have a point. I may be isolating because I have no other outlet. It’s not like people are calling ME and including ME in their day to day life. Maybe if she looked here, used the link I sent her, was open minded, she would know just how "isolated" I feel. I’ve never been one to intrude, I know when I’m not included and I don’t feel welcomed. I will not ask to go where I am not wanted.
I’m mad i didn’t call her on this. It slipped past me. She was somewhat pleased that I located a Thursday night meeting just 15 minutes from here. She expects me to go next week. I might, but my reason to go is to possibly change meetings, not add an additional one.
I work my recovery everyday. I am now carrying resentment toward someone who’s trying to help me, because she thinks I’m not.
Is it my childish way of acting out?
Am I as clueless as I now feel?
Am I just being defensive?
Do I want recovery-or am I merely accomplishing abstinence for a temporary period-gearing up for the "right time and right set of circumstances" so I can start the destruction cycle again?
Maybe I do need to stay "off line" for a week, wing it, but the reality is I really depend on this site and others.
just thinking…..
bettie– 3/11/2011 2:57:51 AM: post edited by bettie.
