Hi Guys,
Tx Kathryn, Lynn. Lizbeth someday we will chat again! lol!
Well one year GT tomorrow, still can’t believe that one. I remember all too well what went on one year ago today. The ATM trips, the "hot" checks written, the panic, the grief, the suicidal thoughts. Thanks but no thanks-I can live without that avoidable pain.
Off today for Presidents Day Holiday. I’m helping my assistant manager do her taxes, doing her hair, then doing lunch. I’m still waking with a scratchy throat and general "I don’t feel good " feeling. I have to shake it, and get moving.
My sponsor is after me to go to at least another GA meeting a week, I just won’t commit the time. I think she thinks I’m doomed-and not serious about getting into recovery and working step 1. I think I’ve been working step 1 for a year, and have been working recovery for a year. Am I wrong? What have I been doing here for a year? Nothing I guess. I understand the benefits of a face to face meeting but from a practical stand point I work full time, leave around 8am, and don’t get home until 6pm or later. By the time I make a meal and clean up it’s 7pm. I’m in bed around 10-10:30pm. I have to work out when I have enough energy to do so. My daughter wants to see me Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday-I’ve told her it’s just too much on me to get home after 9pm-it leaves me exhausted. I’m off Thursdays and Sundays. Most Thursdays consist of laundry, shopping, Doctor appointments. Yes, I could tie up my Thursday evening and go to a meeting, but most of the time I want to stay home. Friday is wall to wall-8am till 10pm-work then GA. Saturdays I work till 1:30pm-and there are no GA meetings in the evening ( there should be ). Sundays I workout, visit my family,cook some meals for the week, or sit on my butt. There is an evening meeting but again, I need the rest. I have a chronic illness on top of all this-people don’t realize how being diabetic zaps your energy, not to mention the back issues that I have devoted the last 12 weeks of my time trying to improve. Oh yea-forgot to mention that I go to on line meetings in the evening when ever I can catch one.
Hope that didn’t bore you to death. I guess thats my list of "excuses" but it is factual. Yes-I made time to gamble-Wednesdays and Saturdays mostly, but I also neglected all those other things that I do now. It’s a trade off but I want recovery to live, not hide in rooms crying about how sick and worthless my life has been. Once a week is enough. I am doing other things for my recovery-guess they just don’t count.
Just venting
peace
bettie
